Who Owns My Soul?

As I’ve grown older, certain memories weigh heavier than they used to. I’ve done things in my life that don’t sit quite right with me anymore—things that needed doing, acts performed out of duty. Looking back, I’m not ashamed of these actions, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t harbor some complicated feelings about them.

Lately, I’ve found myself wondering about what comes after all this. Those deeds from my past—some of them might well condemn me to the fiery place we’re all warned about, especially according to the more devout among us.

This reflection has led me to ponder the nature of my soul and its true ownership. At birth, I’d like to believe my soul was clean, untouched. Growing up, I was what you’d probably call a “good kid.” I stayed mostly out of trouble—at least until adolescence arrived, bringing with it girls and all the typical mistakes young people make.

Later, life took me down paths paved with the idea of serving a “greater good.” It was along these roads that my soul gradually became tarnished—or at least that’s how it feels today.

So what exactly have I done, you might ask? Well, that remains strictly between me and my God.

For years, I was convinced my soul had left me—that I’d somehow surrendered it, and it now belonged to someone else, someone who waits patiently in that darker place I mentioned earlier. I feared I’d sold my soul irreversibly, losing any chance at redemption.

Over the years, I’ve talked with my wife about these feelings. Even though I could never fully share the details, she’s always comforted me with her wisdom. She says a person isn’t defined by every action they’ve ever taken, but rather by the goodness they’ve embraced and shared with others.

Her words remind me of something profound I once heard:

“Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future.”

— Oscar Wilde

Is she right? Can our souls truly be redeemed by the better parts of our lives rather than condemned by our worst moments? Honestly, I still don’t know—but I’d like to believe she’s onto something.

Perhaps the answers I’ve been searching for can be found in Scripture. Ezekiel 18:4 reminds us clearly: “Behold, all souls are mine.” This verse comforts me deeply, reinforcing that despite my actions—regardless of their weight or justification—my soul never truly left God’s hands.

Yet, accepting that my soul remains in God’s hands doesn’t erase or excuse my past. I must fully confront these actions, duty-bound or not. They remain mine to carry, a weight I must bear with humility. But there’s solace too, as expressed beautifully in 1 John 1:9: “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”

Maybe my wife was right after all—perhaps our souls aren’t defined solely by our darkest moments but are redeemed by grace, forgiveness, and our willingness to change. With genuine repentance, and by living intentionally from now forward, I can only hope that God’s mercy will transform the shadows of my past into something far greater than myself.

—Marshall

#LifeReflections #SoulSearching #SelfAwareness #LifeJourney #PersonalGrowth